


SBURB GO

by iridescentWordforger



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fisting, Gen, how the hell do you fit an entire fist up your ass how, is it possible?, just kidding but could you imagine, we will never know because i am not going to write about that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:26:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7770115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridescentWordforger/pseuds/iridescentWordforger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>http://theenglishmanwithallthebananas.tumblr.com/post/147182084630/caledfwlchs-sburb-go-everyone-you</p>
<p>I got a comment on a fic I wrote five chapters of two years ago and left on a cliffhanger I think so um. sorry. But it inspired me to hey, write something again. Even if it's not that because I couldn't even get through the first chapter of the Skaia High thing and. yeah. anyway here's probably the worst concept ever. In which Sburb does not take you to Paradox Space really but you still find some real fake problems. Also in which John Jane, Aranea, Vriska, Karkat, and Kankri are the only related characters. Also everyone's probably going to be fairly out of character because I haven't read Homestuck since it ended so sorry about that also.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SBURB GO

New Games We Love. The app store is so pretentious, Rose thought. Who was "we", anyway? Apple? The innocent employees being forced to say they liked some game because if they disobeyed their superiors they would probably get fired? Most likely, we was no one. Just some slogan created by whoever created the slogans. She was only searching through the app store because of boredom anyway. She had already read everything in her house, and didn't have any more candles for her witchcraft or anything, so why not? Give the old Grimoire another read through could be fun, but so could a new game. Pesterchum Competitive, one title was. How could you make Pesterchum competitive? It was literally a conversation app. Squiddles Bubble Adventure, read another. Squiddles did have interesting aspects to them, but she gave this one a pass. I was $2.99 and not worth it. The next one was SBURB GO, an interesting title. And the logo was simplistic. And it was free. She tapped it, leading to the information page.

No publisher. Odd. Alluring.

App Store Editor's Notes: A great way to get out of the house! We love this game! That was all.

The pictures were all of various spirographs, and one photograph of a real person, standing in front of a clean white building, at the door, looking down at their phone and smiling. The word SBURB was at the bottom. The description was just "Discover yourself as you discover the world around you, and discover your own world around you."

Rose tapped the GET button idly. It downloaded in seconds, and she opened immediately after, slightly gladdened at the quick download. The character customization screen popped up. The default character was a grey male character, on the short side, with wavy horns colored like candy corn. His hair was messy and black, and he wore glasses. He was a little on the chubby side. He looked ominously like her friend John. Almost exactly like him, in fact, but grey and with horns. And the character needed braces very badly, whereas John had already gotten them on and off. Peculiar. She would be sure to tell him about it.

But for now she changed the character to her liking. She put her own hairstyle on it. She couldn't change the hair color so it remained black. Changed the default white T-shirt and jeans to a cool looking black and purple dress. Changed the horns to something more curvy than wavy, so that they looked vaguely like short candy corn tentacles coming out of her head. That was bound to get _someone_ off but Rose chose not to think about that. After character customization was complete, the game asked her to put her thumb on the screen. And she did. After ten seconds of holding it there, the game crashed.

Luckily she didn't have to customize her character again. Or put her thumb on the screen again. Instead her character was now located on a Google Maps looking overworld, walking in place and then stopping and standing and then turning around and generally thinking she was moving when she wasn't. At the bottom, in green text, were the words "Please have a player connect to you or connect to a server player." So this was multiplayer. Alright then.

She contacted John through Pesterchum. John, of course, because the default character looked like him.

TT: Salutations John  
TT: I was wondering if you would like to play a game with me  
TT: It's called SBURB GO, and apparently it's multiplayer and I need someone else to play with me to progress in the game, though admittedly I have no idea how one "progresses" in this game  
TT: I chose to contact you because the default character bears a striking resemblance to you. I thought it was funny  
EB: a game?  
TT: Yes  
EB: what is it called?  
TT: My chum if you would only look a little ways up this pesterlog  
EB: oh yeah sorry :P  
EB: yeah sure though! is it free?  
TT: Coincidentally, it is.  
TT: It also doesn't have a publisher. Isn't that odd?  
EB: yeah that is weird hold on one sec let me get it

After a minute or so,

EB: how do i connect to you?  
TT: The amusing thing about that is, I have absolutely no idea.  
TT: I didn't even give it a thought, actually.  
TT: How tragically ironic, that you would go through the trouble of getting this game, we both would, and now we can't even connect  
EB: i am not sure i would call that tragic  
TT: Tragedy is a term dependent on those it effects.  
TT: And I don't know about you, but I'm pretty in the throes of despair right now.  
TT: My room is three inches full the water from my tears, and all my things are ruined.  
TT: I will never be able to play violin again, John. The thing is completely waterlogged now.  
TT: Symbolic, is it not?  
EB: symbolic of what?  
TT: Symbolic of the way life is meaningless. All these years I've put into practicing my instrument, only to have it destroyed at my own hand, by my own tears, causing me to cry even more, ruinating my surroundings, most notably my violin, even further.  
TT: The fact that tears are salt water makes it even worse.  
TT: Probably.  
TT: I'll have to do some research on that. Is salt water more damaging to wood than regular water? And how well would a violin perform after being soaked by salt water versus being soaked by regular water?  
TT: Are tears even "pure" salt water or do they have roughly the same chemical makeup as urine without urea? Somehow, I am tempted to think that is the case.  
TT: Some very important scientists are currently researching this, ruining many violins in the process.  
TT: They have no regards to the helpless instruments they have carelessly destroyed. The monsters.  
EB: i think i connected to you.  
EB: are you the girl with the creepy dress and the octopus horns?  
TT: Actually they're squid horns but yes! How did you connect?  
EB: i do not know it just kind of happened  
EB: my interface still looks the same though  
EB: so i do not know if it actually did anything  
TT: Let me check my version of the game

When she returned to the SBURB GO app, there were two squares in the top right corner. One was outlined in green and the other not outlined. The non outlined one had the same picture as the current most of the screen - the Google Maps style interface with Rose's character in the middle, standing on the faint grey square shape of her house over the blue line of the river. The outlined one looked almost the same, with the Google maps style interface, but the streets were different, and a different character was in the middle.

When she tapped the outlined square, the outline went away and the other square became outlined. The screen filled with what had been in the square. Different streets, and the default character standing in a faint grey house shape. There was a menu on the bottom, with several tabs. In all the other tabs, there was nothing, but in the first tab, there were several large machines. There was also a punched card.

She dragged one of the machines out of the menu and onto the screen. Totem Lathe, it read. She put it across the street from the onscreen character. She couldn't find a way to move the character. Maybe he would move on his own. Eventually.

John texted her,  
EB: rose! a thing appeared across the street from the guy in my game!  
TT: Oh so that's what this is. Can you see my character also?  
EB: yeah she's in a box in the top left.  
EB: does this mean you have connected to mine also?  
TT: I haven't done anything to do so, so I think it's all you who has done the connecting.  
TT: Be proud of yourself. You solved the Ultimate Riddle.  
EB: i am not sure i'd call that the ultimate riddle.  
EB: and i didn't really do anything. your person just appeared in a box in the top right.  
TT: Try tapping on that box.  
EB: nothing happened  
TT: What about the other one?  
EB: which other one?  
TT: So there isn't another box in the top right? In my game there are two.  
EB: no there are two. which one of them though.  
TT: The one that doesn't have my character in it.  
EB: no which one of the ones that doesn't have your character in it  
TT: You have three boxes?  
EB: no i have two  
TT: No I mean three boxes total  
EB: oh. yeah.  
TT: How odd. I only have two total. I'm on the one that has your character in it right now.  
TT: I just dragged and dropped a machine into your game, I think. It's called the Totem Lathe.  
EB: the thing across the little street in the game?  
TT: Yes.  
EB: oh cool. how do you get your character to move?  
TT: I have no idea. I wasn't able to get mine to move. Though I have my suspicions that you have to move in real life to get the character in the game to move.  
TT: It has a Google Maps style interface and all. And the street on mine lined up to the street to my house in real life.  
TT: However I'm not certain if the same occurs for you. It looks like your avatar is in a subdivision?  
EB: yeah so am i in real life  
EB: so i like actually have to cross the street to get to my neighbors house?  
TT: How else would you get to that house, John?  
EB: that's fair :P  
EB: give me a minute to get over there and stand in Mr. Fedorafreak's yard like a weirdo creep  
TT: What kind of a last name is Fedorafreak? Did he change his name to that?  
TT: I certainly would not pass that name on to my child. If I ever had one. I would take any means necessary to avoid letting that name reproduce.  
TT: And if he chose that name himself and legally changed his last name to that I would have to politely ask him what the hell was wrong with him  
TT: Why does he like fedoras that much? Who likes fedoras so much that they would change their last name to Fedorafreak?  
TT: Certainly that would not be kind to job opportunities.  
TT: Or maybe his passion for fedoras is a fetish.  
TT: How can he resist a large and charming man, clad in fedora and presumably also a suit?  
TT: If such a man asked him to change his last name, he certainly would, rather than let that pleasure allude him.  
EB: ew rose gross no that's just his last name calm down  
EB: anyway the totem lathe doesn't do anything i think  
EB: my guy on the screen got up close to it as i moved and i was able to tap this little square thing that popped up  
EB: there was this whole interface thing but i could not do anything with it  
TT: Sounds like it will be of assistance later.  
TT: But there are three large machines in here. One of them is bound to cater to us directly in this moment.  
TT: Let me try another.

She dragged a machine called the Cruxtruder onto the screen. When she tried to place it near the totem lathe, a little red message popped up. "Too close together!" She dragged it to the end of John street, a cul de sac, and placed it directly in the middle. It was fine there, no little message popped up. And it wasn't super far away, just a hundred yards or so.  
  
TT: John I deposited another machine down.  
TT: It's called the Cruxtruder. I put it in the middle of that cul de sac. I thought it fit nicely there.  
EB: that's so far awayyy  
TT: I thought this game was a "fun way to get exercise!" or something like that.  
TT: This is what you signed up for. This is what you were made to do.  
EB: yeah but firstly i did not read the description  
EB: and secondly you're the whole reason i got this game i didn't really want to do it  
EB: i mean i guess i did?  
EB: i was bored and you told me to so i thought why not  
TT: John it's not that far. It's not even the length of a soccer field  
EB: yeah i guess you're right  
EB: i'll head over there then i guess

Rose watched John's character move along the screen, down the street. Once the GPS glitched and his character bolted in a random direction, to return shortly after. As he finally made it to the cruxtruder, and presumably tapped on it, a countdown started. Four minutes and thirteen seconds. A new item appeared in the menu; a telescope

EB: um rose  
EB: why is there a countdown  
TT: I think it was triggered by you interacting with that machine, the Cruxtruder.  
TT: I suppose we no longer have time to waste but there isn't a distinct goal is there?  
EB: idk but an item appeared in my inventory. the cruxite dowel.  
TT: A dowel? You might need to fashion it with the lathe. That sounds right, anyway? That's what lathes are for?  
EB: do i look like i know what a lathe is  
TT: I'm not wasting time Googling it, by any means. I say rush over back there and stick that thing in there. We have what, only three and forty five now?  
TT: Thirty seconds wasted talking like that we really can't afford to waste time.  
TT: I think, anyway? It does give a vague sense of unease.  
TT: Oh and let me put this down, before you go all the way back over there.

She placed the telescope down as near the Cruxtruder as possible, just far enough up the street so that it wouldn't be in the 'do not place near' radius of the Cruxtruder. She saw John's character walking over o use it. As he supposedly tapped on it, the screen panned up to a view of a clear blue sky, partly filled with beautiful clouds, and a radiant sun in the middle. Blazing past the radiant sun was a small group of meteors. So they really did have to beat the clock. Well, Rose thought, bring it on. She didn't know the workings of this game, not at all, but she was determined to find out.

 


End file.
